When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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