I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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