Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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