Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think your dad took our porno
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
