why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Girls should come with a carfax report
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I will pee on everything he values.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
