I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
