bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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