I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
