just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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