fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
