Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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