Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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