life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
