Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
