shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
