i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
