if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
