Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
