i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
