The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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