Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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