I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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