I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
