You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
