I hope mine doesn't look like that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
