Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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