I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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