yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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