first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
