So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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