I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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