Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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