Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
