ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
