dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Say something about gay babies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
