My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
