she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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