the condom got lost in my hair
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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