I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
