I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
