its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
