So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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