I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
