I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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