office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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