I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
