I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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