I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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