I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
