It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
