doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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