my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
