I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
