I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
