There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
