I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
