At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
