I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
