My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
