I was born with a shot glass in my hand
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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