I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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