i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
