my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
