tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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