Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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