you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
