I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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