you told grandpa to call you daddy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
