Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sober January is a disaster.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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